I was a very shy and fearful child, afraid of my own shadow, but I felt very comfortable and drawn to Mr Lee Burn. He was a friend of my grandparents; I trusted him and loved to listen to him talk about the Bible and Jesus.
One night when I was eleven, I got saved. I’ll never forget it. I felt so happy and loved and so proud that my daddy Jesus loved me, I will always cherish the memory of that night all those years ago, it’s a pity you can’t turn back the clock.
When I was sixteen I fell in love with Michael, he was good for me and to me, we were getting married on the 28th November, exactly 1 month before my eighteenth birthday, it was all set wedding and reception all booked wedding dress ready.
My Michael went out with his friends when they had an accident in the car, and although he was in the back of the car it didn’t save his life. My Michaels beautiful neck was broken, he was taken away from me forever, and he had taken my heart with him. My life changed after that for the worse I might add, I did still love my Lord Jesus, but I rebelled and drifted slowly away.
I never blamed the Lord for his death; I just couldn’t understand it, or how I felt. I felt dead. Anyhow, I got into a new group of friends, I was lonely and began drinking and smoking totally out of control, a different person to whom I was before Michael’s death.
Time passed by, I still had Michael in my heart, but it was very badly broken, it’s funny but I knew the Lord still loved me, it only could have been him, the situations I got myself into, I hated myself and my life just wanted Michael back to waken up from a bad dream.
I was almost twenty when I had to have an operation to have my appendix out. While I was in hospital my grandfather took a severe heart attack and died. (I never called him granda I called him daddy) he was the only dad I knew apart from Jesus.
I blamed myself; I thought I could have died instead. Why was God keeping me alive? I started self harming myself after that. I slashed my wrists very badly and had to stay in hospital a few days. Three weeks after his death I was in bed with both my wrist bandaged up, I wasn’t asleep when I looked up, my daddy was standing there looking at me and smiling. He was dressed in his grey suit he got buried in. We were very close and he said to me, “You’re going to be alright love”, I never saw him again.
I wanted some normality in my life, I wanted to be married, I wanted children, and I always loved children. I met my husband and we had a daughter called Charlene. I couldn’t believe she was mine, she was beautiful. I could feel love in my heart again, for my baby.
It wasn’t a good marriage, my husband turned out to be an adulterer and wife beater. This went on for several years. My daughter was the only one keeping me in the land of the living. I started taking a few drinks again as it took the pain away for a while, I was alone, he was out drinking and womanizing.
I thought this must be my punishment for my sin; it wasn’t long before I got another beating. This time he went too far, it couldn’t be hidden. This time I had a badly broken nose and cracked ribs, as well as a black eye. I had to be kept in hospital. I wished he had killed me and set me free, but then what would become of my daughter? The doctor called the police, I didn’t press charges but I swore he would never touch me again, the doctor urged me to leave him, which I was going to.
During my marriage to him, I had four miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy and had to have my left fallopian tube removed. In the midst of all this my brother whom was ill from a brain tumour died. He was 34 years of age and left a wife and 3 small kids. Six months later my aunt died with breast cancer.
Everyone I loved was leaving my. I honestly thought there is a curse in this family. I moved back home with my grandmother who was in ill health and I looked after her. She didn’t like hospitals and looked after me as a child, now she needed me. After some time she died, well that was it. The time bomb inside my head had gone off.
I couldn’t cope with anymore heart ache and I tried to take my own life. When it didn’t work, I thought God doesn’t want me either. I was made to go see a councillor and take antidepressants; my health took a turn for the worse. There was only me and my daughter at home and she was going to Bangor Tech. I just couldn’t let my nanny go she was my soul mate, I had no one to talk to, and I needed to know if she was alright. A friend of my sister in laws took me to a spiritual church on the Lisburn Road.
They give me messages from as I thought at the time was my loved ones, even described them to a T. I know better now but at the time I actually thought there was no harm in it, and it gives me comfort to know they were all right. I went a few times.
O started praying to God again, thanking him for helping me to hear my loved ones, I thought they were nice people, they prayed to Father God and sang hymns, to be honest I believed it because I needed to for my sanity at the time. I knew no better; little did I know that God was on my case
I began to notice they didn’t read from the Bible, so when I asked them why they replied they didn’t read from any book because all religions came there and there would be too many different books to read from and they didn’t have enough time.
I asked the Lord in prayer, “”Father, if I am doing the wrong thing please give me some sort of a sign, I don’t want to do anything against your will”, and a few weeks later he did just that. One night when I was there, after the service was over a man approached me, I didn’t see him I had my back to him.
He tapped my left shoulder and asked if he could have a word with me, and we went over and sat down he told me he worked for the police and it was his first time there. He asked my questions about myself and seemed to know the answers there was something about him.
I was aware of people watching us talking and I thought they knew him, I felt odd with him. I noticed his eyes; they seemed to look into your very soul. To cut a long story short he asked me if I believed in God, I thought that was strange, I replied that I did.
He asked me if I was being tortured by the spirit of a lady with white lady and glasses, I said no as I thought he meant my nanny. He then asked me if I prayed and I said of course, what he said next didn’t sink in then but did when I went him, he told me to pray harder.
I don’t know what happened but the fear of God poured into me. My friend asked if I was alright as I went white as a sheet. I’m not surprised I didn’t feel uneasy with him but on my way home and at home the fear of God was in me. I didn’t know what was going on at the time. Please God help me what does it mean?
A few days later my cousin Dean phoned me, he is a Christian, which was unusual was as he told me he had a message for me from God. He said I was in danger and I had to stop going to that church. He said that he knew that I thought there was no harm in it, and that they were very smart people.
He told me it wasn’t my loved ones that it was the Devil to deceive me, he said the father of lies, please Anna don’t go back to that place at least until I come back from holidays and talk to you, I don’t want to upset you but please you’re in danger, and he knows you belong to God.
I told him about the man who spoke to me and he said he was a messengers from Lord, my Lord had cared enough about me to send and angel to warn me, and dean was a second warning my Lord is awesome, back slider or not he still loved me and was waiting with arms opened wide for me to repent of my sins and be forgiven. I didn’t ignore the lo0rd, I never would. I never went back to the church and I kept my word to dean as well. About a week later when I was walking up the road a woman approached me and asked if I would like to come to their church as they were starting an alpha course.
It didn’t look anything like a church from the outside, but inside was quite nice. I started going back to church and got the old feeling I had before. I could feel the love of god pulling me back to him, I wanted him more than life itself, and needed him now that void was being filled after all those wasted years of misery, I couldn’t live another day without him.
I was a walking corpse for years, a broken spirit the Lord wanted to put back together again because he loved me. I gave myself back to the Lord Jesus and not before time to. I started to feel ill again and I lost a considerable amount of weight, after numerous tests they found a tumour on the tail of my pancreas.
They said it was the size of an egg and they would have to operate, and they couldn’t tell me anymore until the opened me up. Also my spleen was swollen and could be damaged by the surgery and they were concerned about blood vessels around my spleen, in short I could bleed to death on the table. They said I was too weak at the moment to operate, and that they wanted to build me up in hospital so that I would be fit enough for surgery. They put a tube up my nose and down my throat, and hooked me up to a machine to feed me with what looked to be baby milk.
I wasn’t in the least bit worried, I knew the Lord didn’t bring me back from the depths of hell to put me back there. For he is merciful, loving and faithful to his children who love and trust him. I had great confidence and comfort in the Lord. I told the doctors this.
The morning of the operation the doctors asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with it, and did I understand the consequences if the blood vessels severed, I told them there was a wonderful god in heaven who would be there with me and who would guide their hands and nothings would go wrong.
The doctors said he wished he had my faith, I asked him did he believed in god, he looked at me for a second and said yes I do smiled and nodded his head. I was so calm I knew the Lord was with me. Before I went into hospital the Lord told me when I came out I would never smoke another cigarette and he was true to his word, that was 4 years ago and I haven’t had one smoke since, when the Son sets you free you are free indeed. Praise the Lord.
The surgery took eight hours; I was in ICU with no blood vessels severed. The operation went well and they did have to remove my spleen, and that the tumour wasn’t cancerous. How great is our God. The doctor told my mum and daughter I was right in what I said about the Lord guiding his hands, what a witness.
They said I could be a diabetic, and that I would be dependent on antibiotics for the rest of my life. I took blood poisoning a few days after going back into the ward, and had fluid in my left lung. This time I was very ill. They were drumming all sorts of medication into me and killed all my veins.
They sent for my family and said I wasn’t responding to the medications so far, they couldn’t give me any through the veins so they would have to try orally, and as I was out it how were they going to get me swallow them? They said to expect the worse over the next 24hours.
Satan wanted to kill me, but the Lord had other plans for me, as I am sitting here writing this testimony I survived. The Lord is the power over principalities, he is victorious, and I am cleansed by the blood of the lamb. Against all odds I am here today.
I am supposed to be a diabetic, and I am not, I have immune systems and have to take medication for the rest of my life. I put all my trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. I haven’t taken any medication for 4 years, and the Lord have kept me germ free. I don’t get any yearly jabs, although I’m suppose to, I sit beside people coughing and spluttering and I don’t catch anything, and my doctor can prove it.
What am I saying? I am saying the Lord has out armour on me, germs just bounce off me, I have put my trust in him now for 4 years and it speaks for itself, that’s the sort of loving god we have, and against the advice of my doctor I have a better doctor, the ultimate Christ.
For anyone who is reading this and doesn’t know Jesus, I urge you not to miss out. Repent of your sins and make Jesus king of your life, he will never let you down. Please don’t leave it too late, don’t be left behind, be in the light and not in darkness. Jesus is the light of the world.
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